No Way Of Knowing
by Meaning Scene
Summary: JONAS. Jacy. "There's only so much that our heart can grow, then everything else starts to overflow, but you're young and in love and back then there was no way of knowing." Companion to "Congratulations" and inspired by "Garden Of Love" by Aqualung.


**No Way Of Knowing**

**Author:** Meaning Scene

**A/N: **A JACY one-shot, follow-up to "Congratulations"; this is essentially the same story, just from Macy's perspective. It's also inspired by the song "Garden of Love" by Aqualung.

Oh… and writing this broke my heart. After this, it will be a few happy fics! I can't take the pain…

Please review!

~ Meaning Scene

_There's only so much that our heart can grow  
Then everything else starts to overflow  
But you're young and in love  
Back then there was no way of knowing  
So we pushed and we pulled with our nerves of steel  
You had the pedals and I had the wheel  
And the terrible truth  
Is we never knew where we were going_

_Aqualung, "Garden Of Love"_

Macy always knew she'd fall in love. She just didn't know it would happen twice.

_No,_ she scolded herself. _I'm not in love with Joe. I'm in love with –not to mention marrying- Kevin._

Marrying Kevin. Just the thought sent shivers down her spine. Her sweet, beloved fiancé was the man of her dreams. She loved his smile, his laugh, the way he whispered how much he adored her when he knew everyone was watching. Everything about them –him and her- made sense; everything about them fit together. Being with each other didn't complete them; it perfected them.

But sometimes, perfection was overrated.

Joe was nowhere near perfect, she knew. He was noisy and messy and opinionated. He was cocky and conceited and needy, childish and immature. He never remembered to put the toilet seat down. He double-dipped in the salsa bowl, and he was always making "witch nails" with Bugle chips, dragging his corn-chipped fingers through French onion dip all at once. He was a mess. A juvenile, smug, beautiful mess.

Dare she say… _her_ mess.

Despite his faults, Joe was her closest friend, and she needed him. As unfair as it was to both of them, she needed him. He brought lightness to her life, humor in every situation. He taught her that life was too serious a thing to be serious about it, a lesson that strangely made sense.

He had said more than once that she was his best friend; the breakdown of his relationship with Stella had left him a ruined man. He may have put on a brave face for everyone else, but Macy knew just how devastated he was. It was she that had picked up the broken pieces afterwards, and she was the glue that held him together in the months following.

She thought back to that dark time with a heavy heart; it had hurt her to see Joe in so much pain. Her desire to help him was what made them so close in the first place. He needed someone to talk to, someone who wasn't a brother, someone who wouldn't judge him. She just happened to be that one.

And somehow, during that time, she'd begun to love him.

It was a vain love, she soon learned. Joe was still mending from Stella, and she figured he wouldn't want to risk a relationship with another friend, considering the first had ended so badly. When she began to date Kevin, it didn't feel like settling; it never, ever felt like settling. She fell in love with Kevin quicker than she anticipated.

But the fact that she had never fallen out of love with Joe was inconvenient, to say the least.

None of this, she realized, justified standing in front of Joe's hotel room at an ungodly hour, wine, glasses, snacks, and blanket in hand. She knocked, figuring he was probably asleep, but wondering what she would she do if he were. She wanted to see him. Badly.

It was a bad idea… a very bad idea… She briefly contemplated leaving.

Then a voice spoke from the other side of the door. "Who is it?"

Joe was awake; the knowledge made her smile.

"It's me." He'd know who "me" was.

A moment later, the door opened to reveal her Beautiful Mess: hair sticking up wildly in every direction, tight-fitting tank top hugging his muscles all the way down to the waistband of his loose basketball shorts. His eyes were narrow with sleeplessness, but they still sparkled as he smiled at her. She noticed his gaze traveled over her body; at first, she thought he was scoping the goods, until she sheepishly remembered she was wearing his Virginia Tech tee shirt.

""I was trying to sleep, but it wasn't working…" She began slowly. "And then, I started thinking about tomorrow…" _And you_, "…and I decided I couldn't think of a better way to spend my last night as a Misa." _Than with you_. She forced a smile that pulled at her cheeks, and he returned it with his own signature grin as she pressed the wine bottle into his hands.

"And you chose this?" His eyes glanced at the label, recognizing it. "What about your bachelorette party?"

She wiggled past him, entering his room. "Eh… not as much fun as you think." _Not fun at all, actually._

He cocked an eyebrow. "Too crazy?"

That would have been better than the truth. "If only! Too… _girly._" She lied, and her nose wrinkled disdainfully at the still-fresh memories that surfaced; Stella had forced her to wear a very tight silky dress, a tiara, and a pink sash that said "Bride-to-Be". Apparently the whole ensemble was a scumbag magnet, and she had to fend off suitors by herself as Stella downed her fourth Seven-and-Seven. Dismissing any further thoughts in that particular vein, Macy changed the subject. "Let's sit outside," she suggested excitedly.

Seeing her arms were still full, Joe opened the curtain. The moonlit view of the Atlantic Ocean made her breath a heavy sigh.

"What a view," she whispered, truly breathless.

He opened the door second, and a delicious breeze met their skin, cool but refreshing. Her hair tickled her face as she stepped forward onto the balcony. Resting the glasses on the rail, she waited patiently as Joe uncorked the bottle, staring out over the silvery sea with a contented gaze. Wine, her best friend's company in the starlit night… she couldn't imagine another way of spending her midnight hours.

Joe offered her a goblet. Taking it, Macy asked, "Shall we toast?"

Grinning, Joe lifted his glass. "To the soon-to-be Mrs. Jonas."

That was the last thing she wanted to toast to.

Still, she knew it was well meant and reluctantly tapped her glass against his. Drinking deeply, she savored the wine's warming effects. "That is a good wine," she commented. It was Joe's favorite, and had actually been her first drink when she turned twenty-one.

Coincidentally, her first drink had been with Joe as well; she supposed they had come full circle, then.

"Trader Joe's finest," he remarked as he took a sip.

She giggled. "What can I say? I'm a cheap drinker."

He chuckled too, looking down into his glass with a knowing smile. "You know…" he began after a moment, "Trader Joe's closes at ten."

A heat unrelated to the wine flooded her cheeks. "So?" She tried to say coolly, even throwing a shrug in for good measure.

Closing the space between them, Joe's arm wound about her shoulder. She fought a tremble. "So… you're trying to tell me you just _happened_ to be carting around our favorite wine this whole time?"

She paused. "… What if I am?"

"Well, I just won't believe you." He let her go, much to her secret disappointment, and leaned against the railing. He blocked her view to the ocean, not that she could really complain.

She swallowed hard; her throat felt dry. "Are you saying I planned this?" She tried to keep it light, playful.

He shrugged.

She broke all too easily. "Ok… Maybe I did." _Yeah… maybe I planned this a few weeks ago… but who's counting?_

Grinning, Joe said, "I knew it."

Her eyes briefly narrowed, and she explained. "But I wanted this night , this last night" _with you, Joe, _"… to be special. And I knew it wouldn't be unless I saw you." _Because you are so special to me._ It was a truth she dared not say aloud, so she quickly thought of her future husband; the love she had for him instantly flooded her heart, filling her with a giddiness reminiscent of her fangirl days. "I can't believe this is happening, Joe," she whispered, recalling all the things she absolutely adored about Kevin. "I can't believe… I get to be Mrs. Lucas" _Mrs. Kevin Lucas. Macy Lucas. _It sounded… heavenly.

"I know," he replied quietly, though those two small words sounded dull and unmeant. He couldn't be sad, could he? She was tempted to check, but quickly decided it was unwise. His sadness always undid her, and she couldn't take it tonight; her emotions were already too muddled.

Another breeze blew, chillier than before, and she shivered.

"Cold?" Joe asked.

She smiled slightly. "Maybe a little."

No sooner had she said it then he took her into his arms, pressing her back tight against his chest as both of his arms wrapped around her shoulders. His breath was warm on her neck, the sensation delightful.

"Better?"

She nodded. "Better." _Much better._

It was better than better; it was closer to wonderful. His arms, warm and strong, made her feel safe and protected. Macy normally felt like she could take on anyone, but when she was with Joe… she wanted to be the damsel, and he, the shining knight. It was a wasted dream; she was getting something better than a fairytale. A real life with Kevin. That was a bigger blessing than she'd ever anticipated; Kevin was, without a doubt, her greatest, truest love.

… but Joe was her first love, and first loves are never really over.

So they stood entwined, inches apart but somehow miles away, watching as the moon gave up the heavens to the strength of the sun. As the night ended and dawn approached, Macy could only think how very like the sun and moon she and Joe were. They may share the sky, but they would never be any closer to one another than the moment before nighttime became day.

She and Joe might share pieces of life, but they would never be closer than they were right now, in the moments before goodbye.

When the sun had fully ascended, she knew the end had come.

"I should probably go." She whispered, hating the words.

He nodded. "Of course." Then, "You okay, Macy?"

She managed a slow nod, but soon after, shook her head.

His hands found her shoulders. "What's wrong?"

Tears burned the corners of her eyes "This is it. It's the big day." She whispered. "I've dreamt about it for so long, and now that it's here… I'm a little scared." More than a little; she was terrified.

He pulled her into his arms, holding her so close she could hear his heartbeat. It was a beautiful sound. "Don't be scared, Mace," he said. "Everything will be ok. I promise this will be a day you and I will never, ever forget. It's going to be amazing."

She sniffled, and asked, "You promise?"

A pause before he spoke again. "I promise." He pulled away, and his fingers tucked a strand of hair that had come out of her braid behind her ear before cupping beneath her chin. Pain seemed to glaze his eyes, but it was fleeting; she wondered if she had imagined it. "You are going to be such a beautiful bride," he whispered, and kissed her forehead.

Holding him tightly, Macy wished the moment would never end. She knew, without a doubt, that life with Kevin was right…

But she hated to leave this piece of her behind.

Time continued to pass unmercifully, and she knew she should leave. He felt it too, and said, "I'll meet you under the trellis."

As they broke apart, a part of her heart remained with him. "I'll be the one in white," she replied, and smiled.

Gathering her things, she looked back on the boy –the man- that she had adored from afar. In a different time, in a different place, they might have made it.

But this was neither the time nor the place, and she could only commit this vision of him –hair shining in the brilliant sunlight, his smile gentle, his eyes aglow- to her memories of what would never be.

Somehow, that was all she needed.


End file.
